sugar daddy 101
When I set out in sugar dating a few years ago, I did it as I do everything else in life. I did my homework. I studied the best sites and honed my skills in the lifestyle, arrangements and negotiation. Little did I know that my dip into the sugar bowl would be one of the greatest lessons of my life. I traveled, received excellent business advice and most importantly I found out who I really am. If you are a girl looking to start sugar dating, there are some things you need to know before you start.
- Know your worth. You are not something to be bought and sold. You are a human being with needs, desires and a brain. Anyone can walk the streets and sell their orifices to random strangers. Use your damn brain and be better than that. Always be up front about what you need, what your expectations are and ask for the same.
- Cash is not king. In fact, forget about the money. Money only rents happiness. For a time it can and will provide you with “things”, but those things are not forever. Know the difference. Also don’t choose sugar dating as a way out of personal debt or desperation for money. That’s just sad.
- Shoes don’t pay the bills. Nor do they help you in your career or to save for the future. Get a savings account and don’t be frivolous. Invest if at all possible.
- Yes you can fall in love, but that is highly unlikely. Most sugar daddies are married and they are not leaving their wife, no matter what they say. Do fall in “like” however.
- Learn to negotiate. If you want this life, you have to ask for it. You have to be comfortable enough to explain why you place value on what you bring to the table.
- Have a buddy. Find another sugar baby so you have someone to talk to about your life. A lot of times your regular friends will just not understand. I created a whole network of women across the world for this purpose. Email me and I will send you an invite.
- Toughen up. Not everyone in sugar dating has the best intentions. There are men that are true predators that use sugar dating sites, just like in the regular dating world. You will be asked things and told things that will make you cringe. I have been offered porn, plastic surgery and to board planes with no questions asked. All of which I said no to by the way.
- Be a sponge. Learn everything you possibly can from the people you meet. If possible, choose sugar daddies that can provide mentorship in addition to allowance.
- Know who you are. When your days are done in sugar dating, you should not walk away so changed that it is a 180 from who you once were. Be smarter, wiser and worldlier of course, but do not let it harden you.
- Like whom you date. Don’t just jump at men because they have money. For every man you turn down, there are 20 behind him. Choose men that you are actually attracted to on some level. Whether it is physical or intellectual, hold out for the whole package. This especially applies to sex. If you are not attracted, keep your damn clothes on.
This is not a lifestyle for the faint of heart. If you are not careful, it will chew you up and spit you out. It can also be extremely rewarding and educational on a number of levels. If you do choose to delve into the world of sugar, do it with some smarts. Surround yourself with opportunity and except it gracefully.
In the car yesterday, I heard a radio DJ discussing the topic of what men complain the most about when it comes to their wives. He was talking specifically about what his friend (a marriage counselor) told him he hears most often from the husbands he sees in therapy. Quite Ironically, this is just after I posted Dear Women Everywhere. My continuing thoughts on this subject are spot on with what the DJ had to say. Most husband’s biggest complaint about their wives is that they feel as though their wives have given up. This goes right back to what I call the “I got a man” syndrome. In part I blame society, other women in particular; and I also blame the women themselves. Whose bright idea was it to let women (and men sometimes even) think that it’s okay to let yourself go, just because you’ve been married for a while. Anyone with half a brain should recognize that this attitude is not only wrong, but detrimental to any relationship.
I got the following comment on my last post:
“I suffer from what I call ‘old-soul syndrome’. I say this because as a girl in her twenties I feel I’ve lived a thousand lives and yet I’ve wasted so much time in this life subconsciously trying to conform to what society deems ‘acceptable’ (in my relationships), when deep down I’ve never cared what other people think of me, and thank God, I never plan to. It goes without saying that this argument will never end, because there will always be some ignorant, bible-toting, insecure house-wife who secretly fantasizes about being bent over by her pool boy or dreams of the life she could’ve had, if she only had the BALLS- as you mentioned. Continue enjoying the knowledge that your openness is appreciated by those of us who ‘get it’.
Phew, I am not the only one out there who ‘gets it’. If you had asked me 10 years ago if I would date a married man, I would have said “No way”! After my first arrangement with a married man, I totally understood why men cheat. Granted not all go the route of an affair or Sugar Baby, but I have yet to meet one married man whose wife didn’t fall causality to the “I got a man”. Sad really, because they are missing out on some of the best parts of their husbands. I suppose a sugar daddy could behave differently in his sugar baby’s presence, but that fun, sexy, generous guy is still part of him. If his wife was as smart as his sugar baby she would work harder at appreciating that side of him and investigating it. By not doing that, it’s like telling him that you just don’t give a shit anymore. Not about what he thinks, how he looks at you or how he feels about you. “For better or worse”, some wives will claim. Worse means someone loses their job or has a terrible disease, and the other supports them while they get through it. It does not reference allowing yourself to become a shell of who you once were.
When wives or girlfriends think commitment alone is a reason for HIM not to cheat; they are absolutely, positively kidding themselves. The number one thing any married sugar daddy says in regards to his home life, is that he does not want to change his situation. He doesn’t want to upset his children or break his wife’s heart. He still respects his wife and cares for his children, but he is still going to cheat on them, because it’s what he needs for himself. I know wives everywhere want to tear my face off right now, but I speak the truth. The minute you let go is the instance in which he sought out another woman. That my friends is your bad for not being aware of the fact that you let go….