sugar baby blog
I am a huge fan of the show Sex in the City. One of my favorite episodes is the one where her shoes get taken from a party she is at. Like most single girls, she makes sure to have the perfect shoe for her outfit. The party she attends is at a married friends house who has children. The friend doesn’t want people dragging in germs, so she asks guests to remove their shoes at the front door. At the end of the party, Carries goes to retrieve her shoes and they are gone. She’s pissed because they are expensive shoes and she didn’t want to take them off in the first place.
She follows up with her friend to see if they turned up or another guest admitted that they took them “by accident”. Neither of these happened. The fiend offers to pay her for them, but them refuses when Carrie tells her they were $485.00. The friend says that although she required Carrie to take off her shoes, she and her husband have a real life with responsibilities; and they shouldn’t have to pay for Carrie’s extravagant lifestyle. The way carrie handles it, to prove her point about her friend judging her is awesome. I am including a video clip at the end of the article.
Aside from the fact that this is one of my favorite episodes, I had a Carrie-ish moment this weekend. I wasn’t shoe-shamed– I was life and career ‘shamed’. I attended an event with a group of friends. Within the group I have some very authentic girlfriends. I also have some fair-weather fans. None of this bothers me, as I live in a judgement free zone and I am pretty open about my sugar lifestyle and what I do for a living. Yes I am a matchmaker for sugar daddies and sugar babies, but I also have a local business for traditional daters. Not that I need to explain myself…
Anyway, it was brought to my attention that there is some group disapproval on a quote that I gave the New York Post. Apparently it’s not okay in their eyes to be honest. Here is the portion of the article that included me:
‘Same as a rich wife’
Lisa Schmidt, who often goes by the online pseudonym Exa Palmateer, is a former sugar-baby-turned-CEO is a competitor to SeekingArrangement….She calls the unchecked pay-to-play arrangements a “plague” on the industry and says the volumes at million-member-plus sites like SeekingArrangement makes them the perfect online hosts to paid escorts.
“I’m not dealing with someone that’s paying me $30 a month for a membership. It’s different. You’re making sure [the babies] are on point, they’re not gold-diggers. I don’t sell sex. I sell relationships.”
But the “cleaner” side of sugar dating still has its detractors. Though Schmidt and SeekingArrangement’s Wade may have different ideas about how to facilitate the flow of sugar, they’re allied against a common enemy — often times, the modern feminist.
“You can raise your kids and not work at all and sit at home in a nice big house . . . So how is your life any different?” Schmidt says. “That housewife, she’s not contributing any way really to that life financially, you know she’s taken care of but she’s not called a prostitute — she’s called a wife.”
If you are smart, you get what was said here. The ‘prostitute’ retort was in response to the modern feminist statement. Yet, because my detractors are so quick to judge, they took it personally. My only response to that is that either they are just that judgemental, or they identify with what I was saying. Now, if they were somehow on the other end of that phone conversation and have a recording that says I bashed them– judge away people. I could give a shit in either case. Here is why:
I was raised to believe that I can be whomever and whatever I want. I require no one’s permission
or approval to do so. When I have to give a quote to a reporter about my industry or company, you bet your ass I will do it. Why? because it is part of what I do as a business woman to generate PR for myself and to speak honestly and authentically about what I do. In this article in particular, I was actually slamming Seeking Arrangement mostly. Anyone who really knows me and/or knows me in a business sense, knows how I feel about the hooker mentality on SA. The past three years have been increasingly worse and worse and why I stopped using it last year.
At the end of the day, my life and how I live it does not affect these people. If they say it does, it is a poor excuse to pass judgement and just plain nosy. Either way, fuck that! Love me or hate me, I am not changing. Not to mention the fact that I have NEVER been much of a traditionalist and my ‘friends’ know that. I can honestly say that in the past few years I have discovered a few ladies whom I would consider true friends. They may not always agree with me, but they have never shied away from a conversation with me about it. They have never called me a prostitute to my face. (there is a fair-weather fan who has) They support my right to choose my own life. I would rather had 3 or 4 of these types of friends than 25 self-righteous women who talk about me behind my back, like we are in middle school.
Grow up and mind your own business.
In the not so glamorous world of being a sugar baby, it is easy to get swept away, as a new comer. I get questions weekly from girls who have painted themselves into a corner with a POT. One of the biggest questions is about sex. We’ll get to that, but let’s first talk about protecting your identity. Remember what your mother told you about stranger danger? It applies here more than you can know. Read the rest on my Sugar Baby Blog over at Wealthymen.com
As you saw last week, my sugar daddy friend Ed Porter said his farewell to the sugar life and posted his final blog entry. Before he leaves the sugar bowl altogether, he has provided me with a guest post for The Sugar Daddy Diaries. We’ve been talking about this for a while now, but I just got so busy with Detroit Date Coach that I couldn’t get a post together in time for his blog.
Best of luck Ed!!!
“This Doesn’t Work Without the Money”
by Ed Porter
In late September, 2012, I got a call from “C,” my mistress for the last three years, to tell me that
she was immediately ending our relationship, earlier than we had planned. I knew that this day
would come we had discussed it over the previous months so
while I felt sad, I did not feel shocked. But when she told me that she was leaving in two weeks to move in with her boyfriend of two years, who lived 100 miles away, I saw our plan unravelling. We had agreed that we would see each other one last time, platonically, to have a proper, face to face
goodbye, and leave nothing unsaid. In other words, “closure.”
I mentioned this to C, but she refused to meet, saying that she really didn’t have the time, and
that she had said all she wanted to say. I needed the time, I said, just an hour. I practically
begged. I loved her, after all, and she knew it; she also loved me, although she wished she’d
never told me and would never have told me again. Although she did her best to be gracious and
kind at the end, her refusal hit me hard. After three years together, I didn’t deserve an hour?
A week later, I texted her to ask again for one hour; again she refused. I asked why: she said,
“Honestly, I’m just ready to move on. I’m super busy with work and getting ready to move, and I
just don’t think I can deal.” I knew that I’d never see her again, but it was becoming apparent to
me that, although we had planned to stay in touch in the future, she was cutting me off from all
contact. “Am I never going to hear from you again?” I asked. “Well,” she replied, “we broke up,
so I won’t be texting you for awhile.”
Four months later, still stinging from being completely shut out and the closure I wanted and
needed, I sent a text to “K,” a friend of C’s who had become my “rebound” mistress for a couple
of months after C left. I asked K if she knew why C felt it necessary to do what she did. She
said two things: 1) C was 100% in love with her boyfriend and enjoying this new chapter of her
life, and that I didn’t enter her thoughts at all; and 2) she believed C had said all the nice things
(including “I love you”) to keep the money flowing her way. K apologized for being harsh but she
wanted to be honest with me.
Finally, something I could latch onto, even if it was unpleasant! I had the closure I needed. Ten
minutes later, however, I just felt angry and hurt. I dashed off a quick text to C: “Three years of
lies. Thanks.” I ended up feeling guilty that I lashed out. Three days later, I sent an apology text,
with no expectation of a reply. Three days after that, however, C sent me a reply: “I have no idea
what you’re talking about.” Of course she knew! And because I’d cleaned up my side of street
in my apology, I didn’t want to rehash it, so I just said, “It’s complicated.” “Oh well,” she wrote, “I
hope you’re well and over me.” Well, she’d opened the door, was I going to enter? Of course!
“I’m over you,” I said, “but I just don’t know why you’ve cut me off. I just wanted us to be friends.”
She wrote that she didn’t want a friendship with me, and that she wanted no more contact with
me unless she reached out.
After four months, after all the pain from which I’d recovered, this was, I felt, as good a place as
any to have be the final word. I said, “OK. Have a blessed life.”
And that would have been the end, except…
An hour later, she sent another text: “I know this is going to seem random, but can I borrow
some money?” “Well, now you’re going to have to call me,” I replied.
She called me a few days later (she’d been recovering from surgery) and asked to borrow
money to help her with a delinquent student loan. I was curious to know why her boyfriend, who
made more money than I did, couldn’t help. She also had a rich dad and she was close with her
mother, but her explanation was lame, and it told me that she was hiding something from all of
them, as well as me. I agreed to help her on one condition: the handoff
had to happen in person. I wanted my one hour closure meeting. I even offered to drive the 100 miles to her city. When she balked at that, I offered to meet her midway, and she accepted. Logistically, however,we had a problem: she needed the money right away, and she was in no shape to meet right after her surgery. She wanted to meet a few weeks later. I agreed to send her the money, but how did she want it, by mail or by wire transfer? She couldn’t decide, and said she’d have to think it over. I knew that she’d find another source. And, of course, she had. The next day she texted that she’d managed to get it from her mother, and that, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we
should meet now.” Since I knew this was the last time I’d ever hear from her, I decided to press
her. I asked why it was so hard for her to spend an hour with me after being with me, and having
a good time, for three years. She said that she no longer wanted a relationship with me at all.
She said that she had stayed with me longer than she’d wanted, for my benefit. Also, when I’d
told her I loved her, she felt I’d taken things too far, because our arrangement was only supposed
to be for fun. She said it had made her feel “very awkward.” All of this contradicted what she’d
said while we were together. I didn’t want to argue with her what
was the point? so I just said, “I’m sorry that being loved by a good man makes you so uncomfortable. I will always love you. Goodbye.”
It took me nearly another year to shake her out of my heart once and for all. A year and a half of
grieving over a three year extramarital affair. The pathology around that is enough for another
post, so I’ll just leave things there for now. I took the time to detail that relationship, and in particular, its end, to make a very emphatic point about the relationship between Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies. And my point is: This doesn’t work without the money. In fact, C said this exact thing to me six months into our arrangement, when she’d refused a lunch date without my giving her part of her monthly allowance.On the day that C and I chatted for the last time, I also started an on again, off again arrangement with “D,” an Asian girl of 29. She was extremely emotionally needy, and it felt good to be needed. I really liked her. At the time, my marriage was pretty much falling apart, and I was hoping D and I could actually begin to build something out of this affair. We called each other “lover,” she told me she loved me, romantically and as a friend. But the thing was, she also lived with a guy and was sleeping with him. When I found this out, I called bullshit on the whole thing. I confronted her, and she said, “You realize that we met on a Sugar Daddy website,
right?” What I heard was, “This doesn’t work without the money.” I ended the relationship in
spectacular fashion a week later.
This past January, I started seeing “T,” an absolutely lovely girl of 26. When we met, we both
realized that her mother and I went to high school together and we were still friends. We were
both wary of starting anything, but we were so attracted to one another that we decided to give it
a try, one date at a time. After a month and four dates, however, I could not shake the fact that
she was my friend’s daughter, and that ending this relationship now would be much easier than
in a year when we would be much more fond of each other. She was kind and completely
understanding. However, when I called her a week later just to reach out and say hello, how are
you, she was cold and distant, insisting that if I wasn’t going to be seeing her sexually, it didn’t
make much sense to have a platonic friendship. In other words, no “arrangement” money, no
contact. Again: this doesn’t work without the money.
This entire post should be a warning to both Daddies and Babies in the Sugar World: do not, for
a minute, believe that anything truly meaningful can come from your relationship. You Daddies
are, more than likely, married and middle aged, and some of you may even have children older
than your Baby. It makes no practical sense to turn your short term, recreational relationship
into something longterm; in fact, it’s impossible. But feelings are tricky: if you’re developing
feelings for your Baby, check yourself, get a grip, and check out. Time to end it. Further, if you
sense that she’s developing feelings for you, end it, quickly and honorably. It’s the only way. And
just remember: This doesn’t work without the money. If you stop the flow, don’t expect her
affection for you to continue.
And you Babies? I’m sure that there are plenty of you who have wonderful rapport with your
Daddies, and that you’d never say anything dishonest so that the money would keep flowing.
You wouldn’t, for example, tell your Daddy that you were exclusive while simultaneously fishing
for other Daddies so that you’d make even more money. You wouldn’t tell your Daddy how
sweet you thought he was while you secretly couldn’t stand him and his chubby, hairy body, just
so that you could get next month’s allowance and pay your rent. You would never fake an
orgasm. so that he’d feel adequate in bed and continue to invest in your lifestyle. I truly don’t
mean to convey bitterness here: these are things I’ve experienced or read about on both Daddy
and Baby blogs. If you are going to make it about the money, that’s fine. But be honest about it.
Don’t lead him on: move on if things get emotionally sticky, whether for him or for you. And most
of all: don’t think he’s going to choose you over his family. Remember: this doesn’t work without