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Is he really a Sugar Daddy?

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More and more I realize the education that men on sugar dating sites need.  There are some that could use a little help in the etiquette department, but mostly the ones that need help are the posers.  I think that they have good intentions overall, yet they aren’t truly prepared to be a sugar daddy.  I had two POT dates this week with men like this.  Great guys with great intentions and all the right buzz words.  When it came time to talk dollars and sense, they went salty.

B and Big D turned out to be wannabes.  It’s worse than a fake, in my opinion.  I totally understand that men are unhappy in their marriages and/or work, and want a release.  For obvious reasons, they seek out a beautiful, intelligent woman.  However, if you are not qualified to be a sugar daddy monetarily, set up a profile on Adult Friend Finder.  Allowance, spoiling, gifts or whatever you want to call it…..comes with the territory!!  Sweet sugar baby Jesus, is all I can say about that.

Moving on…

R and I met yesterday for some play and lunch.  Thank God it was better this time.  Honestly I think he was just very nervous the first time.  Before we left the hotel, he gave me a few hundred dollars and we headed off to lunch.  He also remarked how nervous he was about discussing allowance.  I told him that the conversation could not be dodged much longer.  Normally, I would not take this much time with a POT SD.  Here’s the thing though…He has never been a sugar daddy, but was willing to talk about allowance from the beginning.  He has expressed repeatedly, genuine care and concern for me as well.  He bought my ticket for Florida, two weeks into this whole thing.  I know this guy is kind and generous.  I text shortly after to thank him and reminded him that we need to discuss allowance further.  He asked for my thoughts.  He and I have already discussed a dollar range, so I told him that he needs to come back to me with what he is comfortable with.  We will take it from there.

On the POT sugar daddy front, I have lunch dates on Monday and Tuesday with new gentlemen.  Two other new POTS have yet to confirm other dates.  R leaves for vacation on Thursday, so I am hoping to squeeze in a meet with him on Wednesday, to continue our conversation regarding allowance.

I will take the weekend to work on guest blog writing, laundry and cleaning out sugar email.  Ashley madison is like a damn part time job sometimes!!!  Ugh………..

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What is your Sugar IQ?

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If we all had to sit down at this very moment, with a standardized test about being a sugar baby/sugar daddy; how would we score?   Does anyone really have ALL the answers?  Probably not.  There is always a learning curve in the sugar bowl, because we all do what we do for different reasons.  Some are in it for the money.  Some are in it for a real and rewarding life experience.  Then there are those that don’t know what the hell they want.  Yet another reason I always stress being educated in sugar dating.  I receive a lot of email asking for advice, help, profile rewrites, etc…  I am always glad to assist and give honest criticism.  There is always something for me to learn in the process as well.  I get to meet other sugar babies and help them do and be better.  I have also come across a few sugar daddies through my writing.  Some I have counseled and a select few have become friends.  Hence the reason for this post.  Through sugar blogging  I have had the privilege of making friends like David Montrose and Ed Porter.   I enjoy reading their thoughts on sugar dating and the great stories are a bonus.  The three of us will actually be doing guest post for each other in the near future.  Stay tuned for that….

Now, I’m no sage or profit, but I am a pretty smart woman.  I was raised by a very wise mother who taught me value in myself. She was my cheerleader as well as the first to express disappointment.  I learned how to be a better person and woman from her.  I wasn’t the typical kid and I actually see a lot of that in my own child now.  Pay back is a bitch, I guess. Ha ha!  From a young age, I was always an advanced student.  I taught my self cursive writing at 5 years old for heaven sake. Seriously…no joke.   Throughout my life I have  always tried to teach myself anything and everything I possibly could.  I actually have two associate degrees by accident, because I like to learn that much.  Again, no joke.  When it came to sugar dating, I took it on as I would any other learning opportunity in life.  If I was gonna do it, then I should do it right!  Not right in the sense that MY way is the best way, but right as in for the right reasons.  It was important to me to sugar in a way that is a true reflection of who I am as a person.  I am caring, giving, intelligent and smart….. and I just happened to like nice things.

In a time where sugar dating is seen as taboo or even said to be escorting, there are those of us that see it as an opportunity to enrich our lives.  It’s not all about the money.  I really can only speak for myself, but I know plenty of girls that feel the same way.  This will be somewhat the premise of the above mentioned post exchange, with David and Ed.   We will write about the modern sugar relationship and the effect of the escort mentality, that has come about in most recent times.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and even answer your questions about this topic, when I sit down to write.  The more opinions the better!

Sugar it forward

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I received an email from a newbie sugar baby, about her POT.  Because she is new, she isn’t so sure if this guy is on the up and up.  Additionally, she admitted to a few newbie sugar baby mistakes.  She over shared personal information, for starters.  From what she wrote, the POT is making a lot of promises upfront as well.  I had a lot to say about this situation….

 

Basically you broke a lot of essential rules.  It’s done and you cannot undo any of it at this point, so you have to try and recover from here.  If you’re not already aware, POT’s who make a lot of non specific promises should instantly send up a red flag to you.   You will be walked on and scammed, if you continue to reward this behavior with your time or god forbid your name & number.

1. facebook-  He looked you up?  Right there HE broke a rule.  He invaded your privacy.  What if he is harmless and really did just want to see more pictures, but what if he is trying to dig up information?  A respectful, tactful, intelligent SD knows about discretion and would have  never done this.  At least if he did, he wouldn’t TELL you.  I would suggest changing privacy settings ( lock it up as tight as possible) and replace your last name with your middle name IMMEDIATELY.

2. Allowance- Even if you have never seemed a dime of allowance from an SD in your life, LIE!  When a POT asks, you tell him the following:

My last relationship was $$$ ( whatever amount you want or need) in allowance and anything beyond that, was at the discretion of my SD.  Or something along those lines.

I used to quote a dollar amount that was my bills x 2, so to  have a point of negotiation. Btw, this subject should have been broached in initial emails/text/talking somewhat.  I always lead with asking to hear more about them, past experiences and what type of ARRANGEMENT they are looking for.  If they fail to be specific or dance around the subject, move on.

3. “My little black girl” – WTF?!?  I would be offended and creeped out, if I were you.  Maybe a woman of color is his fantasy, but there are way more appropriate ways to say it.

4. Pretty Woman- He wants you to feel protected?  Sounds more like he wants you to belong to him. He is making A LOT of promises here.  If you told him you were a rookie, this could be him stringing you along.  Rule #2 – Never admit that you are new.  When I first started I read blogs, articles and reached out to sugars on twitter.  Ask or read from experienced people.  Never rely on the POT to give you the answers.  This is a good way to be taken advantage of or strung along.  So glad you reached out to me!

5. Gift cards/phone – Visa prepaid card, paypal, etc… this is an acceptable way to receive allowance.  Is $100 at Nordstrom going to buy you groceries or pay your rent? No effin way.  If he’s gung-ho on gift cards, tell him you would like it to go on a prepaid visa.  A real and trustworthy SD knows that you need to pay bills and put food on the table, not just buy new outfits and pedicures.  If he wants to buy you a new phone, you should pick it out and it should be in your name.  if he needs proof of the cost, you can give it to him.  Quite frankly, he can google the cost of the phone you want.  I had a SD that used to come to the salon when I was finishing up, to pay for services. He could do something like that.  Again, what HE giveth, HE can taketh away.

I think you need to back track on this guy a little bit and call his bluff.  Explain that you have given it some thought and you need to be honest about a few things.

– He invaded your privacy, not acceptable
-Allowance needs to be discussed in specifics
-Detail all comments that made you uncomfortable

 

I invited her to Skype with me today so we could talk through the issues she is having.   We spoke a little more in depth about her concerns.  I had a few of my own, which I voiced.  I am eager to hear back from her about his responses and how she feels she handled things.   I am sending out good vibes and lots of luck her way!!

 

Dear Sweet sugar baby Jesus- Keep an eye on this one.  Give her strength and help her to keep her wits about her.