Sugar Dating

Secret Facebook group for SBs

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Ladies, Please use the following link to request access to the secret group on Facebook. It is kept secret for a reason.Anonymity and your safety is important to me. Thus, you cannot just request via a Facebook link.

We have an additional group attached, that I won’t elaborate on here—but it is an amazing resource for every sugar baby new and old!

Request Link found HERE

Once you make the request you will be sent an email conformation from me and a separate email that comes from the group, that will allow you to join.

The rules of the group are simple:

  1. We are there to support and encourage each other

  2. This is a NO DRAMA zone

  3. You will be banned for creating or encouraging drama

  4. Read through posts and especially the pinned post before asking questions. This is especially important is you are new to being a Sugar Baby.

xox ~ See you on FB

10 things being a sugar baby has taught me

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When I set out in sugar dating a few years ago, I did it as I do everything else in life. I did my homework. I studied the best sites and honed my skills in the lifestyle, arrangements and negotiation.  Little did I know that my dip into the sugar bowl would be one of the greatest lessons of my life.  I traveled, received excellent business advice and most importantly I found out who I really am. If you are a girl looking to start sugar dating, there are some things you need to know before you start.

  1. Know your worth. You are not something to be bought and sold. You are a human being with needs, desires and a brain. Anyone can walk the streets and sell their orifices to random strangers.  Use your damn brain and be better than that. Always be up front about what you need, what your expectations are and ask for the same.
  2. Cash is not king. In fact, forget about the money. Money only rents happiness. For a time it can and will provide you with “things”, but those things are not forever. Know the difference.  Also don’t choose sugar dating as a way out of personal debt or desperation for money. That’s just sad.
  3. Shoes don’t pay the bills. Nor do they help you in your career or to save for the future. Get a savings account and don’t be glass slipperfrivolous.  Invest if at all possible.
  4. Yes you can fall in love, but that is highly unlikely. Most sugar daddies are married and they are not leaving their wife, no matter what they say. Do fall in “like” however.
  5. Learn to negotiate. If you want this life, you have to ask for it. You have to be comfortable enough to explain why you place value on what you bring to the table.
  6. Have a buddy. Find another sugar baby so you have someone to talk to about your life. A lot of times your regular friends will just not understand. I created a whole network of women across the world for this purpose. Email me and I will send you an invite.
  7. Toughen up. Not everyone in sugar dating has the best intentions. There are men that are true predators that use sugar dating sites, just like in the regular dating world. You will be asked things and told things that will make you cringe.  I have been offered porn, plastic surgery and to board planes with no questions asked. All of which I said no to by the way.
  8. Be a sponge. Learn everything you possibly can from the people you meet. If possible, choose sugar daddies that can provide mentorship in addition to allowance.
  9. Know who you are. When your days are done in sugar dating, you should not walk away so changed that it is a 180 from who you once were. Be smarter, wiser and worldlier of course, but do not let it harden you.
  10. Like whom you date. Don’t just jump at men because they have money. For every man you turn down, there are 20 behind him. Choose men that you are actually attracted to on some level. Whether it is physical or intellectual, hold out for the whole package. This especially applies to sex. If you are not attracted, keep your damn clothes on.

This is not a lifestyle for the faint of heart. If you are not careful, it will chew you up and spit you out. It can also be extremely rewarding and educational on a number of levels.  If you do choose to delve into the world of sugar, do it with some smarts.  Surround yourself with opportunity and except it gracefully.

 

 

Lessons from Carrie Bradshaw

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I am a huge fan of the show Sex in the City. One of my favorite episodes is the one where her shoesdating coach get taken from a party she is at. Like most single girls, she makes sure to have the perfect shoe for her outfit. The party she attends is at a married friends house who has children. The friend doesn’t want people dragging in germs, so she asks guests to remove their shoes at the front door.  At the end of the party, Carries goes to retrieve her shoes and they are gone. She’s pissed because they are expensive shoes and she didn’t want to take them off in the first place.

She follows up with her friend to see if they turned up or another guest admitted that they took them “by accident”. Neither of these happened. The fiend offers to pay her for them, but them refuses when Carrie tells her they were $485.00. The friend says that although she required Carrie to take off her shoes, she and her husband have a real life with responsibilities; and they shouldn’t have to pay for Carrie’s extravagant lifestyle. The way carrie handles it, to prove her point about her friend judging her is awesome. I am including a video clip at the end of the article.

Aside from the fact that this is one of my favorite episodes, I had a Carrie-ish moment this weekend. I wasn’t shoe-shamed– I was life and career ‘shamed’. I attended an event with a group of friends. Within the group I have some very authentic girlfriends. I also have some fair-weather fans. None of this bothers me, as I live in a judgement free zone and I am pretty open about my sugar lifestyle and what I do for a living. Yes I am a matchmaker for sugar daddies and sugar babies, but I also have a local business for traditional daters. Not that I need to explain myself…

Anyway, it was brought to my attention that there is some group disapproval on a quote that I gave the New York Post. Apparently it’s not okay in their eyes to be honest. Here is the portion of the article that included me:

‘Same as a rich wife’

Lisa Schmidt, who often goes by the online pseudonym Exa Palmateer, is a former sugar-baby-turned-CEO is  a competitor to SeekingArrangement….She calls the unchecked pay-to-play arrangements a “plague” on the industry and says the volumes at million-member-plus sites like SeekingArrangement makes them the perfect online hosts to paid escorts.

“I’m not dealing with someone that’s paying me $30 a month for a membership. It’s different. You’re making sure [the babies] are on point, they’re not gold-diggers. I don’t sell sex. I sell relationships.”

But the “cleaner” side of sugar dating still has its detractors. Though Schmidt and SeekingArrangement’s Wade may have different ideas about how to facilitate the flow of sugar, they’re allied against a common enemy — often times, the modern feminist.

“You can raise your kids and not work at all and sit at home in a nice big house . . . So how is your life any different?” Schmidt says. “That housewife, she’s not contributing any way really to that life financially, you know she’s taken care of but she’s not called a prostitute — she’s called a wife.”

If you are smart, you get what was said here. The ‘prostitute’ retort was in response to the modern feminist statement. Yet, because my detractors are so quick to judge, they took it personally. My only response to that is that either they are just that judgemental, or they identify with what I was saying. Now, if they were somehow on the other end of that phone conversation and have a recording that says I bashed them– judge away people.  I could give a shit in either case. Here is why:

I was raised to believe that I can be whomever and whatever I want. I require no one’s permission

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or approval to do so. When I have to give a quote to a reporter about my industry or company, you bet your ass I will do it. Why? because it is part of what I do as a business woman to generate PR for myself and to speak honestly and authentically about what I do. In this article in particular, I was actually slamming Seeking Arrangement mostly. Anyone who really knows me and/or knows me in a business sense, knows how I feel about the hooker mentality on SA.  The past three years have been increasingly worse and worse and why I stopped using it last year.

At the end of the day, my life and how I live it does not affect these people. If they say it does, it is a poor excuse to pass judgement and just plain nosy. Either way, fuck that! Love me or hate me, I am not changing. Not to mention the fact that I have NEVER been much of a traditionalist and my ‘friends’ know that. I can honestly say that in the past few years I have discovered a few ladies whom I would consider true friends. They may not always agree with me, but they have never shied away from a conversation with me about it. They have never called me a prostitute to my face. (there is a fair-weather fan who has) They support my right to choose my own life.  I would rather had 3 or 4 of these types of friends than 25 self-righteous women who talk about me behind my back, like we are in middle school.

Grow up and mind your own business.

Watch the Carrie clip here