The scandal around the Google executive who overdosed with an escort brings Seeking Arrangement under fire recently. Sugar babies everywhere are getting a bad rap. For those women “in the bowl” who are not escorts, stories like this only fuel the fiery debate surrounding sugar dating. As a sugar baby and sugar dating adviser, site owner and mentor I am always speaking out on women’s behalf to dispel the myths. READ THE REST HERE
I am a huge fan of the show Sex in the City. One of my favorite episodes is the one where her shoes get taken from a party she is at. Like most single girls, she makes sure to have the perfect shoe for her outfit. The party she attends is at a married friends house who has children. The friend doesn’t want people dragging in germs, so she asks guests to remove their shoes at the front door. At the end of the party, Carries goes to retrieve her shoes and they are gone. She’s pissed because they are expensive shoes and she didn’t want to take them off in the first place.
She follows up with her friend to see if they turned up or another guest admitted that they took them “by accident”. Neither of these happened. The fiend offers to pay her for them, but them refuses when Carrie tells her they were $485.00. The friend says that although she required Carrie to take off her shoes, she and her husband have a real life with responsibilities; and they shouldn’t have to pay for Carrie’s extravagant lifestyle. The way carrie handles it, to prove her point about her friend judging her is awesome. I am including a video clip at the end of the article.
Aside from the fact that this is one of my favorite episodes, I had a Carrie-ish moment this weekend. I wasn’t shoe-shamed– I was life and career ‘shamed’. I attended an event with a group of friends. Within the group I have some very authentic girlfriends. I also have some fair-weather fans. None of this bothers me, as I live in a judgement free zone and I am pretty open about my sugar lifestyle and what I do for a living. Yes I am a matchmaker for sugar daddies and sugar babies, but I also have a local business for traditional daters. Not that I need to explain myself…
Anyway, it was brought to my attention that there is some group disapproval on a quote that I gave the New York Post. Apparently it’s not okay in their eyes to be honest. Here is the portion of the article that included me:
‘Same as a rich wife’
Lisa Schmidt, who often goes by the online pseudonym Exa Palmateer, is a former sugar-baby-turned-CEO is a competitor to SeekingArrangement….She calls the unchecked pay-to-play arrangements a “plague” on the industry and says the volumes at million-member-plus sites like SeekingArrangement makes them the perfect online hosts to paid escorts.
“I’m not dealing with someone that’s paying me $30 a month for a membership. It’s different. You’re making sure [the babies] are on point, they’re not gold-diggers. I don’t sell sex. I sell relationships.”
But the “cleaner” side of sugar dating still has its detractors. Though Schmidt and SeekingArrangement’s Wade may have different ideas about how to facilitate the flow of sugar, they’re allied against a common enemy — often times, the modern feminist.
“You can raise your kids and not work at all and sit at home in a nice big house . . . So how is your life any different?” Schmidt says. “That housewife, she’s not contributing any way really to that life financially, you know she’s taken care of but she’s not called a prostitute — she’s called a wife.”
If you are smart, you get what was said here. The ‘prostitute’ retort was in response to the modern feminist statement. Yet, because my detractors are so quick to judge, they took it personally. My only response to that is that either they are just that judgemental, or they identify with what I was saying. Now, if they were somehow on the other end of that phone conversation and have a recording that says I bashed them– judge away people. I could give a shit in either case. Here is why:
I was raised to believe that I can be whomever and whatever I want. I require no one’s permission
or approval to do so. When I have to give a quote to a reporter about my industry or company, you bet your ass I will do it. Why? because it is part of what I do as a business woman to generate PR for myself and to speak honestly and authentically about what I do. In this article in particular, I was actually slamming Seeking Arrangement mostly. Anyone who really knows me and/or knows me in a business sense, knows how I feel about the hooker mentality on SA. The past three years have been increasingly worse and worse and why I stopped using it last year.
At the end of the day, my life and how I live it does not affect these people. If they say it does, it is a poor excuse to pass judgement and just plain nosy. Either way, fuck that! Love me or hate me, I am not changing. Not to mention the fact that I have NEVER been much of a traditionalist and my ‘friends’ know that. I can honestly say that in the past few years I have discovered a few ladies whom I would consider true friends. They may not always agree with me, but they have never shied away from a conversation with me about it. They have never called me a prostitute to my face. (there is a fair-weather fan who has) They support my right to choose my own life. I would rather had 3 or 4 of these types of friends than 25 self-righteous women who talk about me behind my back, like we are in middle school.
Grow up and mind your own business.
In the not so glamorous world of being a sugar baby, it is easy to get swept away, as a new comer. I get questions weekly from girls who have painted themselves into a corner with a POT. One of the biggest questions is about sex. We’ll get to that, but let’s first talk about protecting your identity. Remember what your mother told you about stranger danger? It applies here more than you can know. Read the rest on my Sugar Baby Blog over at Wealthymen.com