What does a Sugar Daddy want?

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What does a Sugar Daddy want from you, that his wife probably doesn’t give him?

  1. Attention
  2. To be heard
  3. Spontaneity
  4. Something different from his every day

This short list may not be exact for every situation, but in my vast experience via sugar dating and as a matchmaker for sugar daddies, these always top the list.  Additionally, there are a few constants in the types of women they seek.

  1. Intelligent
  2. Worldly/somewhat cultured
  3. Not entirely ALL about the money

Believe it or not, very rarely do the men I speak to broach the subject of sexual relations in a first conversation. They are more concerned with the woman as an entire package.  The most important things you can remember as a sugar baby is to forget about the money to some degree and take the time to understand what a potential sugar daddy really wants.

The top two questions I see come through my blog are in regards to sex with a sugar daddy and how to ask for allowance. Yes, most understand that an allowance or some type of support are naturally part of the terms of any arrangement. Yes, most sugar daddies want to have sex. For the most part I find that although a sugar daddy thinks about these two issues, they are not his top priority. I have said it a million times and I will say it until I hit the grave, “Be yourself”.  Treat this as though you would any other relationship. Just because he may be helping with rent or contributing significantly to your lifestyle, does not mean he wants a transaction.  The minute you treat it as such you have grossly devalued yourself and made him to feel used.

8 thoughts on “What does a Sugar Daddy want?

    1sid2sid said:
    February 27, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    The Sugardaddy culture is simply a more nuanced form of prostitution. In most every case (I’ll admit that there are a few outliers that for whatever reason don’t look for sex as the most significant part of the relationship,) you’re trading money for sex. If there was no sex, there would be no relationship. My sense is that your advice here could just as easily have been written for a high end escort who sees clients on an ongoing basis rather than hourly in a mildewed hotel room.

    Certainly, the sugar daddy doesn’t want to be treated as a trick. Neither does the hobbyist. The best providers create an illusion that it’s not all about the money. Just as the best sales people create personal connections and make the business all about the relationship. Of course, with no sales the relationship stops, no matter how enjoyable it is for both parties.

    Notwithstanding the nuances, it *is* all about the money. Whether someone calls themselves a sugar baby or an escort, they’re doing it for the money. If you think otherwise, you’re deceiving yourself. Here’s a test. Ask yourself how you’d react if a sugar daddy cut off your allowance.

    Your advice is right on though. It’s all about the relationship no matter what you call it. No one wants to be treated like an ATM – even if they are one.

      Porter Edwards said:
      February 28, 2014 at 7:25 pm

      You bring up a good point. In fact, my biggest conflict with the whole sugar life is in coming to a place of trust with my sugar baby. I feel I can never fully trust anything she says because the reality is that she’d likely be gone if the money weren’t there.

      But still, I completely reject the idea that this is a more nuanced version of prostitution. I’m sure there are prostitutes who develop relationships of some sort or other with their regular customers, and there might even be a prostitute here or there who has only one customer, but notice that I’m using the word “customer” because that’s what the guy is to her. It is first and foremost sex for hire. If a relationship develops during the process of hiring her for sexual pleasure, it’s still prostitution because he’s still a customer. For a sugar baby, a sugar daddy is not a john. She might understand very clearly that sex is a necessary part of the arrangement, but she’s rarely going to fuck someone she doesn’t like or for whom she feels no attraction. Here’s where things are different from prostitution, in that a prostitute, in most cases, will not worry about chemistry (she just wants the guy to not be dangerous or unstable) or looks.

      Also, with sugar arrangements, whether it’s a cursory coffee date or a series of dates, the sugar daddy and sugar baby understand that sex happens organically. If either of them decides it’s not happening, then it’s not happening. This point is lost on many critics. Also, in most cases, sugar babies have a single sugar daddy, and this is what ultimately separates them from prostitutes. Even those with multiple SDs still can treat them as relationships in every sense, but it does get closer in appearance to prostitution.

      All this being said, there is a reason why prostitution is called the world’s oldest profession. Everyone prostitutes him/herself at some point in his/her life. We all do things we wouldn’t particularly want to do, but we do it because the benefits are immediate and necessary.

    Porter Edwards said:
    February 26, 2014 at 7:39 pm

    I don’t think there is a hierarchy of priorities for Sugar Daddies. In other words, the sexuality, the cultural literacy, the intelligence, and the absence of blatant materialism — they are ALL priorities, at least to me, and none of them takes precedence over the others. Perhaps because I’m not a top-tier SD on the financial level, I don’t see why a potential sugar baby’s sexuality wouldn’t be foremost in a SD’s mind. To me, thinking otherwise is, as 1sid2sid writes above, is somewhat naïve.

    The one thing every man wants, regardless of his economic circumstances, is value for his investment. So the amount of the allowance is absolutely essential once a SD determines the qualities he sees in his potential mistress. This is why I never discuss the allowance until I have at least one phone conversation and one face to face date over drinks or dinner. If I perceive a woman is trying too hard, I either take a pass or I offer less than I would offer someone who is self-assured and appears more detached from results.

      sugarysweetinla said:
      February 26, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      What you’re after then is an escort. You may argue semantics with me, but let’s face it: you are after sex #1. Perhaps you should revise your title from “sugar daddy” to “hobbyist.”

        Porter Edwards said:
        February 27, 2014 at 5:22 pm

        You couldn’t be more wrong. Hookers are not what I’m interested in. They will have sex with anyone who has the money for their time. I’m not interested in women like that. I want to develop a relationship, and get to know my woman better, but I refuse to accept the silly notion that sex not be paramount in my criteria for deciding the woman with whom I want to have that relationship. Remember, this is a short term, recreational relationship, and by definition they are not long-term, and they are all about fun (recreation). Why should I, or anyone, relegate sexual satisfaction to a secondary role when deciding on whom I should choose for my fun? I certainly have had my share of one-off hook-ups in my search for a sugar baby, but they are not (always) the intention.

        If there’s one thing I and many others in this lifestyle do not appreciate and that’s judgment. You want a sugar daddy who sees you first as a person before he considers your sexuality, fine. There’ll be men out there like that. But do not judge my choices, unless you yourself wish to be judged as well.

    1sid2sid said:
    February 25, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    Reblogged this on micomplainers and commented:
    Here’s an interesting perspective for a blogger that I enjoy. I think it’s somewhat naive to think that sex is not the primary motivator for these Sugardaddies. Comments?

    What does a Sugar Daddy want? | SugarMatchmaking Blog said:
    February 25, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    […] From our owner and Chief operating Officer. What does a Sugar Daddy want? […]

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