What are You a Whore For? Part 2

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A sugar relationship defined: Two people seeking each other out for a relationship that is well-defined by an arrangement that meets each other’s needs. It is an emotionally caring, mutually respectful and rewarding relationship; a relationship that may or may not involve physical intimacy, but should have chemistry and emotional intimacy at the forefront. A financial need or desire although part of the arrangement, should not be the majority factor. Starting to sound not so unlike like a traditional relationship, huh?  To some degree, it is. Minus the perils and commitment that usually define traditional relationships, and their boundaries.  The reason why Sugar Relationships work so well in so many ways that traditional relationships don’t, is the very upfront definition and honesty they begin with.  By nature, they are set up to be more successful and rewarding than a traditional relationship.

How the general public defines a Sugar Baby: Overall they have been misled to believe that a Sugar Baby is a number of things.

  • A young woman (usually college-aged) who is financially cared for by a wealthy, much older sugar daddy  in exchange for companionship; which is based on a sexual relationship.
  • A young woman who is financially cared for by a wealthy, much older sugar daddy, just for being Arm Candy. (But, WITHOUT having a sexual relationship with them)

 Contrary to popular belief, the majority of sugar babies are not model gorgeous. Neither are they the perfect size 2 with platinum blonde hair. In fact, you will find sugar babies come in every size, shape, color, and background imaginable. What does a sugar baby look like? As I said, sugar babies come in all shapes and sizes. A sugar baby may be beautiful, run-of-the-mill average, or the girl next door. She might be a size 2, 20, or anywhere in between. She is the sweet single mom from your neighborhood. She is the waitress at the 5-star restaurant downtown. She is the college girl driving a BMW. She is a formal model. She is your divorced aunt who seems to travel all the time. She is a flight attendant. She is a woman who wants to start her own business. She is any woman. She could be you. ~Sylvie Day (SB)

As I said at the very beginning of this blog’s birth, a sugar relationship is one of the most freeing and rewarding types of relationships you will EVER have. Read my first blog Post “Why I do what I do”

How the general public defines a Sugar Daddy: Always a much older, wealthy man who  gives money and/or expensive gifts to a much younger Sugar Baby, in return for sexual favors and her companionship. i.e. “A dirty old man”

A better definition: A Sugar Daddy is a man who is seeking a friend, first and foremost! Commonly he is looking for several other things or traits in a friend.

  • A lover
  • A drama free  woman
  • A woman who is NOT desperate or in immediate need of money

A Sugar Daddy is not always much older than his Sugar Baby. They come from all walks of life, professions and backgrounds. One commonality they share is that they have extra disposable income. They are willing to share with the right woman in return for an arrangement.  They’re usually successful men over the age of 35. I’ve dated Sugar Daddies my own age or as much as 9 years younger, however.

When faced with these truths and a thorough definition of what Sugar Relationships really are, wives and girlfriends the world over will still call us whores, hookers, escorts, etc..  They will still call their husbands and boyfriends cheaters and liars.  (Technically they are)  I’ve even had a long-time friend call me a prostitute to my face. Whenever someone makes that statement or poses the question to me, I have the same answer, always.

Would you call yourself (as a wife or girlfriend) or any other woman you identify with, a prostitute?

Of course the answer is always “No”. I start with a question as opposed to an answer, because I know that they have never looked at this topic in more than one narrow minded way.  They see their lives as vastly different than that of a Sugar Baby. It really isn’t though.  The “friend” that called me a prostitute; she lives in a big house, only has to work part-time, drives a new car, goes on vacation, has financial freedom to make big purchases, etc..  She does and has all of this under the umbrella of marriage, so in her mind that makes it socially acceptable. I have a committed, caring, arranged relationship with a man, with all of the same benefits and I get called a hooker.  This is why I dislike a majority of my own kind.  A lot of women are harsh, unforgiving, judgmental creatures, who live by a double standard every day…but I digress.

Why is a Sugar Baby not a prostitute or an escort?  Sugar Babies are different in that they enter into an arrangement/sugar relationship with someone they can actually connect with in and out of the bedroom. They are not looking to provide casual companionship, strictly through physical intimacy for their Sugar Daddy. There isn’t a “menu” of services to choose from that defines the relationship. Sugar Babies are also often seeking a mentor.  A Sugar Daddy can provide knowledge in business, society, culture and connections. Pretty shoes and cash are great, but meeting the right people who can advance your career goals or help fund a business venture; PRICELESS.   A smart Sugar Baby will get to know her Sugar Daddy very well. She grows the connection and relationship in the same way she would a “real life” relationship.  It has the chase in the beginning, building of trust and intimacy (throughout), open and honest communication always; and looks, feels and acts real…because it is.

Escorts or call girls are commonly self-promote as “providers” or as offering the “GFE”.  Wikipedia defines GFE in the following way. The girlfriend experience (commonly known as GFE) is a type of service a female sex worker offers which includes acting like a girlfriend to the client. GFE may include french kissing,hugging, talking, and eating a meal together. ~This is cited from The Encyclodepia of prostitution and Sex Work.

A call girl advertising the provision of a “girlfriend experience” is implying that she provides deep French kissing (DFK), “full service” (intercourse) usually with protection, and fellatio and cunnilingus, both with or without protection. Advertising a “girlfriend experience” is sometimes used by call girls to promote business

It is from the mouths of escorts themselves that they define what they do as “services”, out calls”, “in calls”, etc..  According to an article I found written by a former escort, “the girlfriend experience means they want affectionate sex that involves making out and other intimate acts that are usually present with someone you have passionate feelings for”. ~Ashly Lorenzana

She goes on to say the following:

GFE or “girlfriend experience” is a commonly used acronym in the escorting business. Many guys seek out escorts who provide this service exclusively and are uninterested in anything else. In my own experience, this does tend to be the most popular type of encounter. I’ve had clients who are after more of a PSE (porn star experience), but that tends to be considerably more rare. So first of all, what does the girlfriend experience involve exactly? The best way I can sum it up is that it includes all of the perks of girlfriend sex and intimacy, without all the other elements of a commitment.

When I think about it, I suppose I can see both sides of it. In fact, when I reflect on my work as an escort I can actually think of many different clients who might have been kept in check more effectively if I had not allowed things like kissing. This sort of conflicts with the “rules” a lot of escorts put in place for their own boundaries. From what I have been told, it’s pretty common for escorts to not allow kissing with clients. That always struck me as a little odd. I mean, if you’re going to have sex with a person then what is the big deal about kissing them on the mouth, right?

When I first started out in the business, this was my take on kissing. If you need to make a no kissing rule and yet you are willing to exchange sexual favors for money, then you must have some personal problem or emotional discomfort with what you’re doing and that means you probably shouldn’t do it.

Notice terms like “exchange sexual favors for money” and “When I first started out in the business”.  Now I don’t argue that an escort and a hobbyist (man who frequents escorts) could potentially become friends. Certainly either of the two can be decent people with real feelings and good hearts.  I’m simply pointing out the differences and reasons why an Escort and a Sugar Baby shouldn’t be considered one and the same.  As I said in Part One, the influx of escorts into the dating sites over the past couple of years has skewed the definitions. The line between GFE and Pay-To-Play vs. a real arrangement has been blurred.  How as Sugar babies do we combat this?  For me it started with my profile.  I have tweaked my sugar dating profiles over and over for about two years.  My latest and favorite revision goes like this: (This is the “arrangement” section)

There are no rules. We can make them up to suit our needs.  I am not set on specific allowance, but there has to be a connection.  A monthly allowance is a valuation of my self-worth for offering the best of me towards my Sugar Daddy. I do so without jealousy, selfishness, drama, or the demand of his time.  It is also compensation of my valuable time that I’m investing for someone, while knowing from the start that there will never be a serious future.

I am open to anything that is fun, exciting, pleasure filled, and drama free.  However, I cannot be bought.  If there is NO chemistry this will NOT work for either of us!  I am a very physical person and am looking for that to be part of the relationship, but also like a man that can dazzle me with intellect and experience.  I am looking for a partner in crime who loves creating ADVENTURES!   

Your first impression, your next steps in communication and how you behave moving forward, should ALWAYS embody self-respect. Tell him/them from the start that although their financial help is greatly appreciated, this is not a business transaction. A Sugar Baby is not a purchase or a possession.  She is a human being that wants and deserves respect.  This is how you can set yourself apart and help redefine what a Sugar Baby truly is.

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “What are You a Whore For? Part 2

    IvyWin said:
    February 6, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    Also disagree with Sandy, perhaps the men you’ve dealt with like lording money over women so either you or someone before you made it acceptable to be treated like a coin, being tossed around in an ‘arrangement’. Again- referencing my first date with and SD (really, my second of all time), he specifically told me that he wants an arrangement, NSA, and wanted me to be VERY clear about what i wanted. So i told him, i cant fake like if my life depended on it – then we laughed when i recanted and said “ok, well yes I could IF my life depended on it, but at the moment it doesnt and I really just want to exchange great energy with a man whos assertive, initiates fun in our ‘relationship’ and treats me like a queen! Period. I’m really anxious to see what happens next but I’m forcing myself to stay cool, because the first SD I ever met from a site (5 years ago) could tell that I was a bit more anxious and money hungry, because I kind of was, and it didnt last long between us. Hindsight tells me I shouldve been way more easy going and it probably wouldve been a lot more fun for both of us.

    Sandy said:
    February 1, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    I have to disagree with one thing: the fact the sugar daddy doesn’t want a woman in desperate need of money immediately. Many of them understand that comes with the territory which is why they seek out sugars in the first place.

    Keep up with this series. I’m eating it up!

      sugardaddydiaries said:
      February 2, 2014 at 1:42 am

      Thanks! I have to say that as a dating coach and matchmaker…and…as a woman; no man wants a woman who is desperate for ANYTHING. If she is visibly in dire need of attention, money, etc.., he would and should run for the hills.
      Besides, desperation is so unattractive.

      Porter Edwards said:
      February 2, 2014 at 10:29 pm

      Agree with Exa. The second I get an inkling that the woman is in dire need of anything I disconnect from her. Sugar relationships should develop organically, like a real dating relationship. The sugar should come naturally as well. When I get the sense that the potential SB would hang with me for the money even though she might not think I’m all that interesting, it’s bye-bye time.

    Porter Edwards said:
    January 27, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    Great piece, Exa! Re-blogging this one too!

      sugardaddydiaries said:
      January 27, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      Thanks Porter!

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