The arms length affect of being a Sugar Baby

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I had a great chat with a fellow sugar baby recently. We were discussing our current dating situations and how the sugar dating lifestyle has affected how we view relationships. The “arms length affect” is what I call it.

We do this (as sugar babies) because we are conditioned to the boundaries of the relationships we seek and involve ourselves in. It wasn’t until recently that I even thought it was possible to recognize REAL feelings for a non-sugar man. I’ve always wondered if I’d pass up a “good man” because of sugaring. I never thought it would be such a tough transition, until I met M.  Who would have thought that feelings could be so scary?? To some degree it is life changing. I chose sugaring as a way to still have connected relationships, but without the trappings of traditional dating. I did not think ahead to it’s potential ending or how a transition might play out.

How many of us have found ourselves in this situation? I would bet it is quite a few of us. I would also venture to say that the “arms length affect” applies to a lot of the relationships in our lives. Most sugar babies keep their relationships a secret from friends and family. Thus creating this bubble around ourselves. Over time the walls get thicker and we become more jaded. We trust less and less and we look at people differently. So when it comes to making the move to “real life” relationships, we feel at a disadvantage. We have been in a “getting mine” mindset for so long, we forget what genuine love feels like. The kind of love where there is no price tag or expiration date.

For me, it has always been a rule to not sugar and have a significant other at the same time. I like things in my life to not be complicated. Two sugar daddies is a totally different story, though! Ha Ha! I was always fearful of having to make a hard choice and eliminated any possibility of that. Now I wonder if that was a wise choice. Did I create my own deficit? I think it is a definite possibility, but what’s done is done. I am just thankful that sugaring did not change who I am as a person. Remaining unchanged at your core should be every sugar babies ultimate goal. When our sugar days are done, we will all have great shoes, handbags and memories. We should also have a better sense of ourselves. Our take-away should be a life lesson in personal empowerment and growth. If you look back in 10 years, it should be fondly and with no regrets.


5 thoughts on “The arms length affect of being a Sugar Baby

    onesugarbaby said:
    March 13, 2014 at 5:18 am

    I completely agree with you about being jaded. I’ve been ‘sugaring’ for about a year. The hardest part seems to be the boundaries (for men and for the men). I can’t see someone if there’s no chemistry, but when I like the person, harder to keep the distance.

    Free date Kenya said:
    December 25, 2013 at 9:59 am

    I love your experiences a lot. That you could fall for Miller just shows how human you are. Don’t hide your feelings girls. Makes good reading

    Porter Edwards said:
    December 23, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    Good points, Exa. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that, due to what you call “the arm’s length effect,” I’m never going to enjoy any kind of emotional connection with my Sugar Babies. Better to keep things extremely loose, and non-committal, and have more than one girl at my disposal when the need arises.

    Brooke said:
    December 22, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    Ha, “the arms length affect” perfectly captures it! Recently I started seeing someone I really like (probably the best fit of anyone I’ve ever dated) and we’ve hung out four times at length and not kissed yet. This kind of waiting and restraint on my part would never have existed pre-Sugar. Now though I feel responsible to tell him about Sugaring prior to us hooking up so he can make his own decision with all the facts (for his sexual and emotional health). I’m definitely being friendly and acting like myself, but I’m also keeping myself contained and holding him at arms length.

    The upside of dating while Sugaring is that I don’t feel attached to the results. I REALLY like this guy, but I made a promise to be honest with the people closest to me, and if he chooses to walk away it’s his choice. I’m already at peace with that being a possibility, although I certainly hope that he has an open mind and wants to get to know me better. That’s probably the coolest part about Sugaring– I’m doing it for me, and for me only (instead of doing something within the context of a relationship or how it’s going to affect someone else). And people can live with that or move along.

      sugardaddydiaries said:
      December 22, 2013 at 8:03 pm

      If only all people had open minds. That’s why when I sugar, I never get involved in real life relationships. My latest just kind of went that way. It’s a tough spot to be in as a SB.

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