I heart his face…wtf was I thinking???

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For the love of sweet sugar baby Jesus, someone please smack the shit out of me! I have not “dated” a single man or any man that isn’t a sugar daddy in three years. After divorce and a huge let down from a man I trusted (who broke my heart in a million pieces), I became a serial dater to ease the pain. One night stands and first dates were like medicine to me. The male species was getting the middle finger from me for quite sometime before I missed having a connection with someone, and ventured back into sugar dating. I admit that most men, even now, rarely get past a first date with me. I am hopelessly picky and have reached a point, whereby there’s a certain standard for the men I date.

I have been plugging along just fine these past few years until now. I have been enjoying the emotional and monetary fulfillment I get from sugar dating and have never once looked back. Ironically, a friend and I recently had a talk about being jaded when it comes to sugar dating. We don’t look back. We really don’t even look forward. We live in the present and/or the current arrangement we are in. Would we even recognize a good man if he were to present himself? Would we dismiss him, because he is not a sugar daddy? She and I laugh, but in the next breath we hope that we can recover one day from this narrow thinking.

I am beginning to think that Miller is quite possibly that “good man”. Fuck! I don’t even know what to do with that…

Almost everything about him is sugar daddy (ish). He is wealthy and successful. He owns a company that keeps him quite busy. His time is not plentiful. We met on SA almost two months ago. Initially our texts were the norm in sugar dating. Pictures exchanged and the proverbial, “What are you looking for”? He asked at the time if I was involved in any other arrangements, and admitted that he was a “first timer”. Technically I wasn’t, so I said no. I had every intention of keeping my options open. The fact that Miller is single gave me pause and I almost didn’t keep our first date. My rule has always been to not date single men as sugar daddies. I like having my nights and weekends free to enjoy my friends, my son and the occasional hook-up. For what ever reason, I kept the date. It was probably one of the best first dates I have ever been on. I was glad that I went. Then I was pissed at myself for being glad. Damn it, I liked him!

So thus began an inner struggle. My sugar baby self wanted to turn the talks to allowance and spoiling by the second date. The curious me just wanted to see where this was going. We did briefly cover allowance in those initial texts. We also agreed on a connection and chemistry being paramount. For some reason, with him, I decided to pursue the chemistry before the money. We never had another allowance talk again. If you read the blog, you will remember that he did leave me money after our third date, two weeks ago. When I thanked him he said, “I just wanted to help. There’s nothing wrong with gifts occasionally”. Here is where I could have pounced and reminded him of how we met. The premise was sugar dating. Although we had steered away from that, I could have made a course correction in that moment. Alas, I did not.

It is now two weeks later. Schedules have kept us apart and I am uncertain what this week will bring. The only thing I am certain of, is that I miss his face. He says he misses me, wants me and wants to see me. I suppose if he wants to make the time he will. In the mean time, I need to get my shit together. I have to come to terms with these feelings and decide on a direction. Do I start the “what are we doing” conversation or do I sit idly by? If this is just a crush and a momentary lapse in sugar baby judgement, then a lesson will be learned. If this is a transition into a real relationship, then I am absolutely terrified………


5 thoughts on “I heart his face…wtf was I thinking???

    newsweety said:
    November 18, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    Porter is so right. Do what you think is best. Maybe getting sugar settled might be nice. I’m not talking marriage. But my sugar rule is, if you are meeting my needs then why keep poking? If it ends… Then hey sugaring is still here. If Holly Golightly was doing it and so are we… Sugar ain’t goin nowhere.

    Porter Edwards said:
    November 12, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    Exa — your SD buddy says, Trust Your Gut. You have had your eye on the prize for a LONG time: Sugar. A single SD is perfectly acceptable, so long as he knows the rules. If, however, you’re open to an actual relationship with him, then you have to accept that you’re willing to forego being a Sugar Baby to have love. As David Montrose famously asked, “If the money element were not there, would you still want to be with him?” If not, then shut down those parts that aren’t acceptable to you and move forward, with or without him. Tough love, my love!

      sugardaddydiaries said:
      November 13, 2013 at 2:21 pm

      Porter, thank you for talking me “off the ledge” yesterday. I appreciate your insight.

    intothebeauty said:
    November 12, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    I think it might be too early to tell! Go with the flow. You’ll know if it’s not right. Keep your sugaring as a top priority, but leave a piece of this situation on the back burner until more time has passed. Can’t wait to read what happens!

      sugardaddydiaries said:
      November 12, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      Ugh…things are quite intense with this one. I am very conflicted! And…..I am so busy with work that I actually don’t have time to sugar right now.

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