Over the weekend I decided to catch up on emails from AM and SA. I had about 30 on AM and about 10 on SA. The one thing I hate about the email system on SA, is how each email is listed individually. After sorting through my inbox for a while I realized that I never responded, offline, to a real cutie on SA. We had discussed expectations a little bit on line already. He had given me his regular email address, so I reached out, apologized for my tardiness and asked if he would still like to chat.
HIM: Hi. Very nice picture. I’m interested what r u interested in what R u looking for. I would like to chat. I’m looking to let loose and have fun. Not over think things and def want done adventures in the bedroom. ;) Sound good. NOTE: He had stressed the “bedroom thing a couple of times already)
ME: Just looking for something that includes allowance, is NSA, drama free and fun. Definitely no over thinking..
HIM: I’m not online with my profile right now. How old r u again ? Where u live? I can’t remember. R u single ? Where u looking for more going out and wined and dined. Or bedroom fun or both? I’m more into giving gifts or a cc when u need it. When we get together sound good ? I’m more looking for something physical. Because I’m working and traveling so much. Is that ok ? ;)
ME: Single, 33, live in (my city)
You keep stressing “in the bedroom”. While I’m totally ok with that, it cannot be the sole focus.
Not so much into wining and dining. My preference is allowance, with gifts or spoiling left up to you. I am practical. All of the money spent on dinners and shopping usually adds up to quite a bit. While gifts are nice, I’d rather realize that in helping myself financially with bills, etc…
HIM: Ok so what am I getting in return for an allowance. What would make me give you an allowance that I can’t get normally from a woman each day? I see woman each day. And they require No allowance. ?
Now I’m pissed. I am so sick of men like this. I am considering compiling a list of reputable escort services in my area. I will then include it for men that really just want sex.
ME: For starters, we met on an arrangement site. If you’re not comfortable with that, than maybe you should reconsider.
And if women are so plentiful in your life, why do you have a profile on a sugar daddy dating site? The fact that you have a profile pretty much answers your question. Most women are not interested in part time relationships. They will not become vested in any way, knowing that you are too busy for her. The beauty of an arrangement is that you get ALL the perks of a girlfriend and no one bitching that you’re not paying her enough attention. That is in part what the allowance is for. That is why it is called MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL.
Needless to say, he hasn’t responded. I know that I probably came across to him as a bitch, but a better reason why he didn’t respond; is because he knows I am right. Don’t get all Don Juan on me, “I can get it whenever I want. I’m surrounded by it”. My ass! Why the hell is he on SA then. Simple….he thinks that he can get a discounted escort or fuck pretty girls in exchange for dinner and something shiny on occasion. Which leads me to the following rant:
Someone please explain to me the surge of escort mentality (especially in the last 18 months). I’m all for people getting what they want on their own terms. I even understand that sugar dating has evolved from its historical definition. What I cannot accept however, is this watered down, McVersion of what some people want to call sugar dating. Sadly, sugar babies are partially at fault. Some of us have been more than accepting of these offers. In part, new sugar babies don’t know the difference and some more experienced sugar babies just do it for the cash. Without realizing it, we have helped redefine how we are viewed and treated.
I realize that my stance is what has held me back from fists full of cash and I’m sure my opinions are less than popular at times. Honestly, I’d rather be broke than enter into half of the “arrangements” I’ve been offered. I’m by no means judging how anyone lives their life or how they sugar. I am just putting it out there that a change can only happen if we take back what it means to be a sugar baby. Wives can call us whores, because we sleep with their husbands, but should we let everyone else do (and treat us) the same?
On to the re-tap! R and I are still in contact quite a bit. Coming up on our lunch date this Wednesday, I started thinking more about how very sweet and kind he has been to me. We were unable to reach an allowance agreement and I had to question myself as to why. When I pondered his generosity thus far and how he treats me, I started having second thoughts about my agreement with Allen. In dollar terms, R has given me more than my allowance would be with Allen already. Although my motivation is more than the money, his generosity really speaks for itself. Additionally, I feel things are a bit forced with Allen. He is seeking to recreate a past arrangement and his eagerness doesn’t sit well with me. It’s a gut feeling about Allen and I will leave it at that. Perhaps a separate post will do it more justice.
In any case, after some thought I emailed R yesterday. He is on vacation and we have been texting, but what I wanted to say was way too long for text.
Hey babe! I hope your trip is relaxing and you are soaking up the sunshine. It’s rainy and a bit dreary here. Wednesday will be a bright spot for sure! Looking forward to having lunch with you.
I have been giving our situation some thought. (in a good way) We have a great connection and I like that we are friends, as I wouldn’t not want you in my life. I know we hit a bump in the road while talking dollars and cents, but after some thought I’d like to re-discuss if you were receptive to the idea.You see, I have been on several dates over the past couple of weeks. You know I am choosy, so it’s an uphill battle for me. I found myself agreeing to an arrangement of $xxx with a man that I am on the fence about. I have been weighing the pros and cons of the money vs. would I enjoy spending time with him. I know that am going to have to stop it before it starts. Ugh…That whole dilemma had me reflecting on what I really want in my life. Mediocre people for a any sum of money doesn’t add up. It also got me to thinking about how generous you have been with me. Lunches, hotel rooms, the plane ticket and cash the last time I saw you. All of that I would say was around $xxx.If you are still willing, I would like to revisit our prior talk about this. Although you think I need uber amounts of cash, that is not the case. I would most likely have another man in my life to supplement, but I think I was hasty in not exploring our talk a little further. It just got left at you thinking I wanted something like $xxx a month in cash. I don’t feel right about that.So let me know what you think…xoxo
(my real name)
He text me right away to say that we can discuss this on Wednesday. “Thanks for trying to keep us together”. He calls me “his dilemma”. He really likes me (I touch his heart) and did not expect that. He wants very much for this to work in some way. He then invited me to travel to Las Vegas with him next month. The banter went back and forth and he said we needed to talk about my flights this week too. He offered to get me premium seats. I let him know that I still did not have a seat assignment for the return flight. We knew this after the flight was booked. We just assumed that the flight was overbooked and that I would have to stay on top of checking in via the Delta app 24 hours prior. I emailed him my itinerary last night for him to upgrade me. As of now, I still have economy seating. This chat happened late yesterday and he is flying back today. Not to mention that he is with his wife, so I didn’t expect to wake up to first class seats. He has definitely proven to be a man of his word, so I won’t make a fuss either way.
My other new favorite POT is Miller. We had dinner last Wednesday. We have maintained contact, but I was feeling a bit brushed off. Naturally I said something. He said definitely not. Communication was minimal over the next few days. So on Saturday, I asked “one date and done or would you like to move forward”? He said that he hoped not, as he thought i was amazing and was very much attracted to me. He loved my personality, but he wasn’t sure what my level of interest was. Ooooook……I did my due diligence. I followed up and tried to keep the banter going. Thanked him. Said how much I enjoyed the date. I reassured him again and we have lunch set up for tomorrow. Phew….close call. I really like him.