Sugar it forward

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I received an email from a newbie sugar baby, about her POT.  Because she is new, she isn’t so sure if this guy is on the up and up.  Additionally, she admitted to a few newbie sugar baby mistakes.  She over shared personal information, for starters.  From what she wrote, the POT is making a lot of promises upfront as well.  I had a lot to say about this situation….

 

Basically you broke a lot of essential rules.  It’s done and you cannot undo any of it at this point, so you have to try and recover from here.  If you’re not already aware, POT’s who make a lot of non specific promises should instantly send up a red flag to you.   You will be walked on and scammed, if you continue to reward this behavior with your time or god forbid your name & number.

1. facebook-  He looked you up?  Right there HE broke a rule.  He invaded your privacy.  What if he is harmless and really did just want to see more pictures, but what if he is trying to dig up information?  A respectful, tactful, intelligent SD knows about discretion and would have  never done this.  At least if he did, he wouldn’t TELL you.  I would suggest changing privacy settings ( lock it up as tight as possible) and replace your last name with your middle name IMMEDIATELY.

2. Allowance- Even if you have never seemed a dime of allowance from an SD in your life, LIE!  When a POT asks, you tell him the following:

My last relationship was $$$ ( whatever amount you want or need) in allowance and anything beyond that, was at the discretion of my SD.  Or something along those lines.

I used to quote a dollar amount that was my bills x 2, so to  have a point of negotiation. Btw, this subject should have been broached in initial emails/text/talking somewhat.  I always lead with asking to hear more about them, past experiences and what type of ARRANGEMENT they are looking for.  If they fail to be specific or dance around the subject, move on.

3. “My little black girl” – WTF?!?  I would be offended and creeped out, if I were you.  Maybe a woman of color is his fantasy, but there are way more appropriate ways to say it.

4. Pretty Woman- He wants you to feel protected?  Sounds more like he wants you to belong to him. He is making A LOT of promises here.  If you told him you were a rookie, this could be him stringing you along.  Rule #2 – Never admit that you are new.  When I first started I read blogs, articles and reached out to sugars on twitter.  Ask or read from experienced people.  Never rely on the POT to give you the answers.  This is a good way to be taken advantage of or strung along.  So glad you reached out to me!

5. Gift cards/phone – Visa prepaid card, paypal, etc… this is an acceptable way to receive allowance.  Is $100 at Nordstrom going to buy you groceries or pay your rent? No effin way.  If he’s gung-ho on gift cards, tell him you would like it to go on a prepaid visa.  A real and trustworthy SD knows that you need to pay bills and put food on the table, not just buy new outfits and pedicures.  If he wants to buy you a new phone, you should pick it out and it should be in your name.  if he needs proof of the cost, you can give it to him.  Quite frankly, he can google the cost of the phone you want.  I had a SD that used to come to the salon when I was finishing up, to pay for services. He could do something like that.  Again, what HE giveth, HE can taketh away.

I think you need to back track on this guy a little bit and call his bluff.  Explain that you have given it some thought and you need to be honest about a few things.

– He invaded your privacy, not acceptable
-Allowance needs to be discussed in specifics
-Detail all comments that made you uncomfortable

 

I invited her to Skype with me today so we could talk through the issues she is having.   We spoke a little more in depth about her concerns.  I had a few of my own, which I voiced.  I am eager to hear back from her about his responses and how she feels she handled things.   I am sending out good vibes and lots of luck her way!!

 

Dear Sweet sugar baby Jesus- Keep an eye on this one.  Give her strength and help her to keep her wits about her.

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