I want to start with something that has been bothering me the last few months. I need to opine for a moment and then we can get to the good stuff.
By and large society and even some of my closest friends see my choice to sugar as wrong. I’ve been called a prostitute and even had a dear friend stop talking to me for a few months. Ironically when I told my brother he fist pumped me and said, “Good for you”! So why would my older protective brother give me kudos and a dear friend call me a whore? She doesn’t get it, that’s why. She doesn’t see that her own life is not too far from mine. She works part time, has a big house, brand new cars, travels and it’s all at the expense of her husband. I have no doubt that she loves him and her family, but would she have stayed with him if she was busting her hump, living in a crappy house, without all the extras he provides? Why is it okay that she has all of that under the umbrella of marriage and I can’t have that too in a different type of relationship? Double standards are a tangled web. I would also interject that there has to be a smidge of jealousy in women like this. Here I am saying, “Look at me. I am open about what I want and won’t compromise to get it.” She says, “Shame on you”. I’m sorry that I live freely and you don’t. Now please take your judgment and shove it up your ass, thank you very much!
If you are shaking your head in agreement with me, then I like you. If you disagree, well you disagree. I don’t like you any less. I just wish you had an open mind. In either case grab a glass of wine, actually a bottle might be a better choice and be prepared for me to recap the last couple of months. I regret not posting more regularly lately as I like to get things down when they are fresh in my mind. Work has just kept me incredibly busy.
Let’s start with the new job. I love love love my new job. It is long hours and hard at times, but so rewarding, educational and enlightening on a plethora of levels. I have met some pretty incredible people and made some great connections and friends all over the world, to start. I have pushed myself more in the last few months than I think I ever have before. However, at the end of the day it’s fun and exciting. (Check with me at 2pm some days; and I might tell you I want a drink and to slap someone though)
On to the good stuff!
Love/sugar life + workaholic= Failure of epic proportions
Me+Sugar Buddy (dating same man)= I got dumped…sorta
I hear the sighs happening and believe me I have let out many of my own as of late. I did have a pot date this past week, but he just isn’t for me. I am making an effort to get back out there and find a new daddy more so in the last 2-3 weeks. I literally threw myself into work when things ended with J.B. I was very surprised how I took the whole thing. I discovered that I had a crush of sorts on him and I was pretty upset about things ending.
Leading up to him ending things, I was stressing a bit. My sugar buddy was seeing him also and openly expressing her jealousy to me. She even went so far as to question his whereabouts when he wasn’t with her. I cautioned her that her behavior was not very “sugar” and he was after all a married man. She was upset that he was lying about seeing other people. I get that to an extent but, so many of us do and have done the same thing. You start seeing two people and continue to do so until you make a decision. I told her to relax about it, yet she kept pressuring him. Mind you, he did not know that she and I were friends, and that we knew about each other. The last two weeks of her weird jealousy was getting to me. I knew that I was gonna come clean with him. I was prepared for him to be upset, but I thought he should know at that point and let the decision be his.
The following is the cliff notes version of what has happened with this whole situation:
The last afternoon we spent together was awesome. We met on my side of town. He picked me up in his convertible and we took a long drive down the lake, through downtown to an out of the way courtyard restaurant. We ate, sipped cocktails and talked. Afterwards, we headed to a hotel suite for some fun. Shortly after he dropped me off he text me, “Thank you for the wonderful afternoon”. I thanked him as well and said we needed more afternoons like that. It was also at this point that I decided that I would spill the beans the next time I saw him. Well……it didn’t happen quite in the way I had intended.
A few days later, I received an email that he had been also seeing someone else and had decided to just see her. He apologized for lying when I called him and said he enjoyed our time together. I still thought he should know about the situation though. So I told him. He was a bit shocked and said he thought maybe we were playing him. I assured him that wasn’t the case and how upset I was about everything, in particular her behavior. He said he needed a few days. He called a couple of days later and we talked about the whole mess. He still decided to end things with me and continue with her. Knowing what I know about her, I didn’t and still don’t get it. I am hesitant to say much here about her “situation”, because as much as I think she is someone different than who she portrays; she has a right to be who she wants. Who am I to judge? Although, I DO judge what she does and how she lives her life. Let’s just say that she is a big fake.
Okay, here is where the story takes a bizarre twist. I noticed that he was still online quite a bit on Ashley Madison, which is how we met. Curious me unleashed a plot. I changed my screen name and contacted him as someone else. He totally took the bait! I have about 10 email accounts, so I got him offline to an address he wouldn’t recognize. He and the new girl “Jessica” exchanged about 40 emails. He sent pictures and told her things that I wasn’t aware of about his life. 1. He did the same thing to me and sugar buddy 2. I think he was possibly peddling a new “life story”. I got him to set up a lunch date with “Jessica”. I made sure it was on the typical day he would see sugar buddy, just to see how loyal he was to “their” day. Low and behold, he changed his schedule around to meet for lunch……
I have to digress for a second to say, he and I are still talking and texting at this point….two weeks after things ended. AND…I set up a second AM account under “Sarah” and contact him. He bites on that one too.
Naturally, Jessica no shows for the lunch. He sends her an email saying how mad he was that he moved his schedule around and she ditched him. I drop all communication as Jessica.
He and Sarah start exchanging emails. They start to talk about meeting. Enter me. I text him that Sarah is an ex co-worker and friend that I had told about my success on AM. She and I hadn’t spoken since I left my job, but she called to say thanks for telling her about AM and she met someone. I of coursed was just shocked that he had told me he only wants to date one person and here he is attempting to make dates with someone else…lmao! He calls me to explain himself. I figure it is all bullshit at this point, but he says that he still wants to remain my friend and eludes to the chance of us trying again. He just wants to see where things go with sugar buddy. Yeah right! I told him that I would keep his “indiscretion” to myself and he thanked me for that.
About7 or 8 weeks has passed since all of this has happened. He and I still text a little and have talked on the phone a few times. We talked about getting together for lunch and catching up. He claims to be super busy with work and might feel guilty about seeing me, because sugar buddy would be hurt if she knew. Like I would tell her anyway. He has also made it a point to tell me several times that he is barely seeing her once a week. “I’m sure she’s told you that I am not around so much”. Me- “I wouldn’t know. I asked her specifically not to talk about you”.
A few days ago I was cleaning out my gmail account and I came across the emails between he and Jessica. My inner mean girl decided to reach out to him. I tell him I had a health scare and just wanted to apologize for my absence. HE RESPONDED!!!
I hope you are feeling better and have your health under control. I have to say I was really disapointed, you were the first woman ever to stand me up and then no replies to my texts or emails. I didn’t know what to think. If you really are interested I would love to move forward and see where it takes us.
Are you kidding me right now??? I was actually kind of shocked. Here is the rest of our conversation so far:
Me: Wow! Never stood up..lol? I’m surprised that you are asking to try again, and that you haven’t found someone already. You seem quite wonderful. I woulda thought for sure some lucky lady snagged you up.
Him: Well I can say the same to you. You’re young, beautiful, and have a brain… what’s not to be impressed with. Oh I have had plenty of opportunity and met some nice ladies but for one reason or another it wasn’t what I was looking for. Please don’t think I am overly critical because I’m not. What I am searching for is beauty but with brains and a desire to enjoy life. I’d love to connect with that special lady who knows how to tease, flirt, have fun in public and can totally open up in private. so why are you still available? Yes you were the FIRST ever to stand me up! I might have to spank you if I have the chance.
Me: You are very kind and thank you for the compliment. I actually just started a casual relationship. Casual meaning that I am open to seeing other people. He and I agreed on this, because he is married and he can really only spend time with me when he comes to town on business. I hope that doesn’t bother you and who knows, if it will even work out with him anyway. He lives in another state. What was I thinking…ha ha!?
Him: I’m shocked at you!!! fooling around with a married man from another state ….. Just Kidding LOL ..I hope one day to have a beautiful sexy lady like you to call my own, someone who is excited by my touch and desire for them but I can start with Mr #2. I confident and well I do have one advantage, I live nearby.
So if you promise not to leave me looking like a fool who had been had. I would love to meet you.
At this point I tell him I am leaving for vacation in a few days and after next week would be better. He outlines his availability and explains when he will be gone on vacation soon too. Now I have a dilemma. It’s not about calling him out to his face so much, as it is telling sugar buddy. In the grand scheme of things I could give a shit about her. (long story) My immediate concern is that she has small children and I know that she and JB do NOT have protected sex. What if my two decoys are not the only conversations/lunches/sex he is having? Is he using protection with them? Is he endangering sugar buddy’s health?
My bigger question for him would be, why lie about only wanting to see ONE woman and then continue to try and play me? We’re not even together and he continues to spew lies. I have told him that she and I are distant and her hurt feelings or jealousy are of no concern to me. Perhaps he doubts me. ( I am after all playing him LOL) Although, that statement isn’t untrue. I really couldn’t give a shit. The reasons why don’t really matter, because I am over the whole situation. I am just not sure if I should tell her. It gains me nothing, but it could gain her some safety…..