Both Sides of Sugar- Part Three
If you missed part one or part two, or need a refresher; you can find them at the links below.
The whole purpose of this series of articles is to not just include my thoughts. I am always hungry for qualified opinions and inspiration. No question is ever a stupid question and if you never ask well, you will never know. In parts one and two we talked about the importance of desired qualities, faux pas, defining roles and why people have chosen sugar over traditional relationships.
When I left you last I had this to say, “Part of the mutually beneficial mind set is awareness. If you walk away pissed because you didn’t get everything you wanted in one meeting, you’re doing it wrong!”
How many of us have walked away from a first date wondering how it went? If so,why? What were the potential problems? It could be any number of things really. Maybe there just wasn’t chemistry. I don’t mean chemistry like you wanted to jump over the table and ravage each other. I mean a spark. Something that says you would want to ravage each other at some point; because there is an actual desire to see each other again. In a perfect world every first date would play out with the conversation being great and having discussed expectations; agreeing on that too. In the real world not every date goes as planned.
It has to start somewhere though. In the past before the internet and cell phones men and women networked, placed personal ads or simply fell into sugar relationships. Since the invention of dating sites and social media, Sugar Dating has taken on a whole new meaning. Some would even argue that it has diluted the concept; my-self included. I am more of a traditionalist when it comes to sugar. I want the fun, exciting, sexy and monetary aspects; yet I also want the connection and mentoring from an established man. That’s not to say men of less wealth provide less wisdom. They simply don’t have the resources to sugar date and provide the backdrop that I desire. I’ve been married, dated “regular” guys and dated men with millions. At the end of the day they all have their faults and positive aspects. I just prefer to have benefits and a “boyfriend” that isn’t constantly in my space.
For those of you who sugar on line, it should already be apparent that taking it offline to a first date should be a smooth transition. “During the first or second meeting I just look out for chemistry…we don’t have to love each other, but I do like to have some type of friendship and rapport develop”, says David Montrose. Joseph Sugar would add that their on line profile should match the in person vibe they give off. “If you feel like you’re looking at two different people, that’s a huge warning flag”.
Has the modern age of technology made it harder to connect and portray one-self accurately? Joseph and David say no. To combine their thoughts, “Eventually it becomes obvious pretty quickly if there is a connection. Ways of communicating such as Skype, make it even easier to get an idea of what chemistry might be like beyond the awkward phone call”. Technology is but a tool and a medium for communication. If you’re inauthentic in your profile and approach, it translates in a meeting.
Since there can be a gap between the profile and the girl, doesn’t it make more sense to just be yourself? Two words, hell yes! Again, this is something I agree with the men about. When you fill out your profile you are generally asked three things. Provide a head line, talk about yourself and describe the one you are looking for. “Spoil me Daddy…I like to go shopping…you should be rich”, is not the way to go! I asked the men where women go wrong in this area. 1. Only talking about themselves and what they want. Not providing reasons as to why he should date you as opposed to someone else. 2. Say what you mean and want. 3. Overall, “be respectful of you and your Sugar Daddy”, says Joseph.
Over the years, I have exchanged emails, texts and calls with many men through sugar dating. I came to realize quickly how the sugar dance works. My no non-sense personality suits me well in this type of dating, but I know for some women that there is a learning curve. Homework just like in school can not only educate you, but give you an advantage. My very first go to source was David Montrose. I read advice from Sugar babies as well, but I knew that gaining a Sugar Daddy’s insight was crucial. I have learned even more just by doing this interview series. Why? Well, because I reached out and made it known that I wanted knowledge. Isn’t that why we seek a sugar daddy, in part anyway? If you haven’t taken the time as a sugar baby to do any homework, it is advisable to do so. It will only better your chances and longevity in the sugar bowl. Education is the primary reason I wrote this article series. Not just my own education, but for the benefit of all sugar babies.
Through Joseph and David I have created a list of do’s and don’ts.
DO….Be able to converse. “Don’t know the subject? Ask questions” says Joseph. Treat a first meet “just like a regular date”, adds David. Like many men, he likes to have a friendship and rapport develop. Have goals and ambition. Have an idea of what you want, expect and know what you are getting into. Be prepared to do what he asks and be prepared to fulfill his wishes. Most importantly, a sugar baby should be open, honest, discreet and transparent.
DON’T….look at sugar dating as a paycheck. Also lose the illusion that this is your boyfriend or a serious relationship. Not to say that it couldn’t happen, but that just isn’t the nature of what sugar is. Always remember, NSA. Do not be intrusive in his life. Give him the respect he deserves and keep the questions to a minimum. My personal rule on this is, ask away if he invites the conversation or topic when it comes to his personal life. NEVER talk about his wife unless you are given the green light. Just because he is “with” you does not mean he wants to change his home situation or has lost all respect for his wife and family. Keep drama and dumping to a minimum, or try to avoid it entirely. Your time with him is an escape, not a chance to bitch about your boss or the latest crisis in your life. If you are upset about something, try asking his advice on whatever it is that is bothering you. Do so in a limited fashion though.
“My most successful sugar relationships were those which eventually turned into good friendships, and not just sex in exchange for gifts. We became friends and formed a real connection. In those cases, the gifts became a ‘side show’ and most of our time was spent enjoying each other’s company, sugar or no sugar”-David Montrose
“It was actually quite a surprise. There was a little chemistry over the phone, and dinner started slowly, but then something just happened (maybe it was the 2nd gin and tonic?), and things just clicked. We honestly enjoyed and respected each-others time, and saw each other for almost 18 full months. The two big things is that we both worked at it (less than a traditional relationship, but more than you might expect), and genuine interest and respect in each other” –Joseph Sugar
At the end of the day, we all have an opinion on what works and what doesn’t. The goal however should remain the same. Success! The measure of that success should not be limited to how many pairs of red bottom shoes you receive or your allowance. It should be directly linked to what you have learned and how it has enriched your life, without a price tag attached to it.
You can read my personal blog HERE
Joseph Sugar is the owner and operator of Trusted Sugar, an online Sugar Dating website. TS is invite only for Sugar Daddies.